I'm having doubts about whether or not Engineering is actually a good fit for me personally.
I suppose you could say that since the layoff scare back in January that my confidence has been severely shaken. I feel really lost right now. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I have not been enjoying the last couple months; I go into work with the fear of losing my job. I used to enjoy my work. Now... I kind of dread it.
Add this to some of the experiences I've been having lately at work, and I just feel deflated. I've been getting a lot of "slow down and take more time on your work, but hurry up because you're taking too long"; and "I want to be able to send your reports out the door without looking at them". I'm an EIT. I'm still learning, and I need people to look at my reports so I can find my mistakes and learn from them. I feel like a sledge hammer has come down on my head over the last couple months.
I know I'm not the only person going through this right now, I was talking to a friend this weekend who apparently has been experiencing the EXACT SAME THING at work, minus the layoff scare. I do wonder if it's a case of Engineering being a bad fit for me, or a case of all EITs go through this before getting their P.Eng.
Right now I don't know if I'd actually have the confidence to stamp anything, its feeling pretty shot.
I know the company is restructuring, we have a new President, people are getting shuffled and the managers are stressed, but I could really use some positive feedback right now. It's hard to believe the people saying my job is safe when I haven't heard anything positive out of anyone in weeks.
Even if my job is safe, is this what I want my career to be like? I'm not so sure anymore that this is what I want. The problem is that I've been focussed on Engineering for so long now that I don't know what else I would even be interested in. My friend that I talked to on the weekend started a custom cake business on the side of her Engineering job. She's thinking that when her and her husband have kids that she would like to transition to full time cake baking. Given that she's an awesome baker, I can see this working out great for her. I on the other hand have no idea what I would do.
I did get a comment from a coworker on Friday that surprised me a little, though I suppose in retrospect it shouldn't have. I had just gotten back from working on site and I was walking around in my jeans, a hoodie and my steel toed boots. He said I look so much happier when I'm working onsite. He's right. I may be exhausted and frozen into a little Cass-icle, but I'm happier doing that than I am hunched over a computer at a desk.
I hate job jumping, but I feel like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole right now. I'm not sure how long I should actually give it before deciding if this is a hard learning experience or just a bad fit? If it wasn't for the fact that I need the money, would I actually stick around for this? I don't know.
I just want to find my square hole.