Having Doubts

I'm having doubts about whether or not Engineering is actually a good fit for me personally.

I suppose you could say that since the layoff scare back in January that my confidence has been severely shaken. I feel really lost right now. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I have not been enjoying the last couple months; I go into work with the fear of losing my job. I used to enjoy my work. Now... I kind of dread it.

Add this to some of the experiences I've been having lately at work, and I just feel deflated. I've been getting a lot of "slow down and take more time on your work, but hurry up because you're taking too long"; and "I want to be able to send your reports out the door without looking at them". I'm an EIT. I'm still learning, and I need people to look at my reports so I can find my mistakes and learn from them. I feel like a sledge hammer has come down on my head over the last couple months.

I know I'm not the only person going through this right now, I was talking to a friend this weekend who apparently has been experiencing the EXACT SAME THING at work, minus the layoff scare. I do wonder if it's a case of Engineering being a bad fit for me, or a case of all EITs go through this before getting their P.Eng.

Right now I don't know if I'd actually have the confidence to stamp anything, its feeling pretty shot.

I know the company is restructuring, we have a new President, people are getting shuffled and the managers are stressed, but I could really use some positive feedback right now. It's hard to believe the people saying my job is safe when I haven't heard anything positive out of anyone in weeks.

*sigh*

Even if my job is safe, is this what I want my career to be like? I'm not so sure anymore that this is what I want. The problem is that I've been focussed on Engineering for so long now that I don't know what else I would even be interested in. My friend that I talked to on the weekend started a custom cake business on the side of her Engineering job. She's thinking that when her and her husband have kids that she would like to transition to full time cake baking. Given that she's an awesome baker, I can see this working out great for her. I on the other hand have no idea what I would do.

I did get a comment from a coworker on Friday that surprised me a little, though I suppose in retrospect it shouldn't have. I had just gotten back from working on site and I was walking around in my jeans, a hoodie and my steel toed boots. He said I look so much happier when I'm working onsite. He's right. I may be exhausted and frozen into a little Cass-icle, but I'm happier doing that than I am hunched over a computer at a desk.

I hate job jumping, but I feel like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole right now. I'm not sure how long I should actually give it before deciding if this is a hard learning experience or just a bad fit? If it wasn't for the fact that I need the money, would I actually stick around for this? I don't know.

I just want to find my square hole.

The Top 10

While work is known to be a source of stress for many most almost all all of us at one point in time or another, sometimes it's not just the money that keeps us coming back. I know it isn't for me. If I was just in it for the money I'd haul my butt back up to Fort McMurray and get a job as a heavy equipment operator. WAY more money in that line of work. That's a pay off all non-mortgage debts before Christmas and have money left over type of job.

*sigh*

Sometimes the little reminders of why you do your job come just when you need them. Like Wednesday when I got a package from APEGBC (the Engineer's governing body in BC). In it was a bunch of registration related paperwork, and a little card with the Code of Ethics on it. We're held to a high standard of professional conduct in our work, we do more than just number crunching. It's one of the reasons why I feel good about when I do for a living. Despite the inevitable ups and downs, I can sleep well knowing that I'm working toward helping people as a whole.

Now that I'm done with that little sap story, I'll get back to the card. They break the code down into 10 easily manageable bites:

1. Public Interest
2. Know Your Limits
3. Don't Fake It
4. Conflict of Interest
5. Respect Your Value
6. Lifelong Learning
7. Do Unto Others
8. Stand Your Ground
9. Be Brave
10. Spread The Word

I'd go into detail on each one, but let's face it, it's kind of wordy (otherwise why bother with the short form?), and 99% of you would never read anything I write ever again if I did. Seeing as knowing that people do read this is keeping me accountable, I figure I'd like to keep you guys around ;)

The 10 ideas, in their most basic form, can be applied to the concepts of personal finance and frugality, as well as to my work. Think about it:

1. Public Interest - Reducing energy consumption, keeping excess "stuff" out of landfills, growing our own vegetables and not wasting the things we purchase... These not only help ourselves, but are in the interests of the community as a whole. Think of more than just self gratification. 
2. Know Your Limits - Besides the obvious example of credit limits? How about transaction limits? Or drink limits? Or stress limits? Or the limit of your budget? How far can you go before you lose control, whether it be financially or otherwise? Recognizing your limits, and working within them, is crucial to success in all walks of life. 
3. Don't Fake It - You've got it made. You're out in the work world, you're an adult, you should look the part right? High end clothes, condo downtown, brand new car, eating out every night at restaurants, international holidays.... Or should you? The short answer, if you can't afford it in cash after you've stashed some away, is no. Don't fake it. 
4. Conflict of Interest - How does your financial advisor get paid? Do you pay them up front? No? Well they're making money off you somewhere, make sure you know how. Otherwise you'll never know if that awesome fund they're recommending is great for your account... or theirs. 
5. Respect Your Value - You work hard for your money, shouldn't your pay check reflect that? Know what you're worth, and go for it. If your employer isn't paying you what you're worth, they may not respect your value. Show them they're wrong, and get the pay check you deserve. 
6. Lifelong Learning - You are never too old or young to learn a new skill. No one in today's job market can afford to stay stationary and rely on "how things have always been done". Get out there and sponge up every new skill and piece of knowledge you can. You never know when it will come in handy. 
7. Do Unto Others - Be good to others, and they will be good to you. This piece of advice has come in handy more times than I can count. 
8. Stand Your Ground - Store not honouring their return policy? Someone wants to drive after having a few too many? Credit card trying to charge you unreasonable fees? Dealing with a bully? Stand your ground. If you don't, there may not be someone else there to do it for you. 
9. Be Brave - Whether it's going back to school, starting a new job, or *gulp* going without a job, change is scary. Be brave, you'll make it through. 
10. Spread The Word - As all of my fellow PF and lifestyle bloggers are doing, spread the word. You never know if that little nugget of advice you take for granted could be the switch that helps someone and finally sends them in a positive direction. Whether it's a savings tip, an explanation of confusing financal jargon, a cheap dinner recipe, or just a way to deal with stress, you never know who you might help. Likewise, you never know when someone might just reach out and help you.

Who knew work could be so applicable?

Work Life Balance

My slow cooker and I are about to become very close friends.

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
6:30
7:00
7:30		1.5 Hours		1.5 Hours
8:00
8:30
9:00
9:30	4 Hours		4 Hours		9.5 Hours
10:00
10:30
11:00
11:30		7.5 Hours		7.5 Hours
12:00
12:30
13:00
13:30
14:00
14:30
15:00
15:30
16:00
16:30	2.5 Hours
17:00
17:30			2 Hours
18:00
18:30
19:00
19:30
20:00
20:30

This is my weekday schedule for the next 4 months. Green is my time in class on campus, yellow is my time at work, and blue is my time in transit. The buses slow down to hourly in the evenings, so I spend a lot more time waiting. I can get home in 45 minutes if I leave the office at 5:00 or 5:30, but not if I leave after that.

And somehow I’m going to fit dating in here. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One nice thing about the long transit block after work is that if I get stuck waiting at the West Ed transit center I can do some grocery shopping at the Asian market. If the bus I take doesn’t turn out their interior lights (understandable why they do it, it gets dark here really early during the winter), I can get a bit of studying done in the evenings. Or I can blog from my phone, I’ve done that before too.

But yeah, I think I’m going to do a big batch of chili this weekend and freeze some. One last (jam packed) weekend of freedom before the busy season really begins.

Time Management from the Inside Out, Second Edition: The Foolproof System for Taking Control of Your Schedule -- and Your Life
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
Time Management In an Instant: 60 Ways to Make the Most of Your Day (In an Instant (Career Press))